she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
