I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
