I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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