you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
