So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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