hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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