Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
