better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
