no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
