I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i believe in u and ur pee
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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