Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!

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(719): View more from Colorado

Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.

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(706): View more from Georgia

the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.

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(810): View more from Michigan

She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?

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(647): View more from Ontario

It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.

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(914): View more from New York

the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil

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