He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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