here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
