A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just high enough for therapy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
