I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
