why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
