I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
