Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize