He felt like a one man threesome
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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