Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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