yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
