dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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