I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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