She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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