I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ugly people sure do ruin things
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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