Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish you could order shots online.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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