it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
