Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
