so that wasnt chicken after all
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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