fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
