no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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