Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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