he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shame - the story of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
