I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
