So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
