:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
