OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
