so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
