In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
