im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
