you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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