we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
