just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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