so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
