i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
