i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
