so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
