You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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