I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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