my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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