Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
