It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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