I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
