when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're like the curious george of whores
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
