do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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