I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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