tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
