Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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