I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
