I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
