Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
