I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
