so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
