Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
