Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
