so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
