i jhust puked up my retainher.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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