Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
